My Favorite Spam Ever

I got this evocative message today from Lesya T. You know Lesya, right? Well, read on:

Good day, dear Mr/Mrs/Ms,

With this letter I would like to express You my respect and ask for assistance.

I am a representative of the company Free Time Club (Concierge Service) in Ukraine (Odessa).

Because of the receipt of the order, there is a necessity of drawing a visit of a lawyer (attorney) to the Prosecutor General's Office of U.S. for obtaining certain documents. Tell me, please, if You could You handle this issue this week?

May I ask what form of payment is most convenient to you?

With respect, hope for cooperation and waiting with anticipation for Your soonest reply,

Lifestyle manager, Taranova Lesya.

PS.If You need to prove my identity, which can sometimes be necessary, You can find me on Facebook.

OK. So......... Where to begin. How do you respond to a lady offering to wire you money? All I have to do is visit the "Prosecutor General's Office of U.S." "this week" "for obtaining certain documents." I'm sure I can get some documents (I am a lawyer, after all), and I've got time this week. However, can anybody tell me where to find the Prosecutor General's Office of U.S. I'm not familiar with that.

Wait. I guess I should get proof of Lesya T.'s identity, but then again, is that so important? If Ms. Lesya wires me money, why do I care whether she exists?

I was curious though, so I followed her suggestion and looked for Taranova Lesya on Facebook. Here's what I found:


Oh yeah. That's right. I guess this proves that Ms. Lesya is a fooooxxxxx. I really didn't order any "concierge services" from this very fine "Lifestyle Manager," but I'm definitely thinking about letting her wire me some money. Advice?

Did You Momofuku When I Told You To?

Don't be offended. Momofuku is not the newest nasty word from Urban Dictionary.

Momofuku is:

• The name of soup's best friend: Momofuku Ando, who invented ramen noodle soup in Japan in 1958, and Cup Noodles in 1971.
  
• Elvis Costello's 2008 album
• The flagship restaurant in David Chang's expanding food empire

Wait. I'll be right back.

(waiting...
waiting...
waiting...)

I had to make myself a steaming cup of ramen soup.

Now, back to the story. 90% of Momofuku's short menu is about pork and noodles. However, the other 10% consists of fantastic cold ginger scallion noodles and steamed buns stuffed with shitake mushrooms.


Chang just published his first cookbook, called, believe it or not, Momofuku. Read about it in this months Vogue, or Bon Appetit (print editions only) or listen to the interviews playing over the next few days with David Chang on All Things Considered on NPR.

Other things you might like to know about Momofuku:

• They serve RC Cola in the bottle
• Did I mention the pork?
• The Noodle Bar takes no reservations (except see below) and the lines are insane. Don't go at lunch time or dinner time.
• The one exception to the "no-reservations" problem at the Noodle Bar is that you can reserve ahead for groups to have the fried Chicken dinner, which I will be doing next time I go to New York, because I love New York, and I love fried chicken.
• David Chang was born right here in Vienna, Virginia (I hope he will bring his pork magic to a restaurant here in Washington D.C. soon).

And That's Why I Love the Intergoogle

I've been trying forever to think of a website that harnesses the whole range of human stupidity and repulsiveness in the same way as, say, Overheard in New York, or PassiveAggressiveNotes.com, or the execrable but curiously mesmerizing RateMyPoo.com. Or, a site that capitalizes on our capability for obsession, like icanhascheezburger.com, or Perez Hilton.

Once again, I failed to see the gold mine, when it was right in front of my face. Let me introduce you to www.peopleofwalmart.com. As with most all of the other fantastic websites where I waste time during the work day, this one comes to me courtesy of my perverted Brooklyn friend (to protect her privacy, I'll refer to her here as Colleen).

Jus' picking up some milk and eggs after dance class:

Fruity Booty:

TACO!

Mannequin? or Womannequin?

Not a Detail Person

No words necessary. Visit www.peopleofwalmart.com and pick out your favorites. Or, snap a photo next time you head in for a gallon of pickles or 50 cans of tunafish.

Stuff I'm Real Proud Of

1. I've never seen the original Rocky.
2. I've never owned a pair of bright blue Dockers pants (or any color of Dockers pants).
3. I've never listened to a Michael Buble song.
4. I don't believe gay people are evil.
5. I know where to retrieve my car if it gets towed in Brooklyn, New York.
6. I own a tie personally gifted by Italian Prime Minister, media tycoon, and notorious philanderer Silvio Berlusconi.
7. I was familiar with Reverend Ike and his ministry before the Internet.
8. I ate beef in England and Italy, and avoided getting the mad cow disease or the Mucca Pazza (at least so far).
9. I know the difference between affect and effect, and I don't understand why college-educated adults don't.
10. I hate Glenn Beck (I refuse to provide a link to him, to any picture of him, or to any material related to him).

Soul Brother Number One

Is there any question in your mind who is the Soul Brother No. 1? It is, of course, the Godfather of Soul, James Brown, who begins and ends the fantastic documentary Soul Power, now in theaters in major cities on the left and right coasts, and coming soon to all those other towns.


Soul Power is the story of Zaire 74, the R&B music festival staged in Kinshasa, Zaire in September 1974, in connection with the legendary heavyweight title fight -- the Rumble in the Jungle -- between Muhammed Ali and George Foreman. Check out the great critics' reviews of the movie on Metacritic.com.

(The Ali/Foreman fight was the subject of the earlier great film "When We Were Kings.")

Other names for James Brown:

• the hardest working man in show business
• Sex Machine
• Mr. Dynamite
• King of Funk
• Minister of the New New Super Heavy Funk
• Mr. Please Please Please Please Her
• I Feel Good

As JB says in the movie: "When I say hit it, you hit it; when I say quit it, you quit it." Get it?


James' greatest songs:

• Cold Sweat
• Night Train
• Prisoner of Love
• Sex Machine
• Out of Sight
• I Got You (I Feel Good)
• Papa's Got a Brand New Bag
• It's a Man's Man's Man's World
• Licking Stick, Licking Stick
• Mother Popcorn

I could go on and on.

Other great things about the movie:

• Muhammed Ali talking SMACK about everything and everybody
  
• Miriam Makeba
• BB King: "The Thrill is Gone"
• Celia Cruz
• The Spinners singing "One of a Kind (Love Affair)" and dancing
• The 70's clothes - I want to go to there